Life with herpes can be so overwhelming and isolating that those who haven’t experienced it cannot truly understand. After being diagnosed with herpes, I initially felt like my life had collapsed. However, after some time and effort, I successfully rebuilt my confidence and hope. Now I’m starting fresh with searching for singles. This article will share that process in the hope that it can inspire others facing the same predicament.
The Start of My Life with Herpes
In October 2023, I knew the chances of getting herpes from an infected partner. During those days, I constantly had headaches, fever, persistent vaginal itching, and burning, along with two blisters. I went to a nearby hospital for an IgG test. When the results came out and I learned that the disease cannot be completely cured, I broke down.
I questioned my ex-boyfriend about whether he knew he had herpes, and he said yes and he doesn’t know when and why he got it. Although he had no symptoms, my outbreak was severe. I felt betrayed by both my partner and fate. We had a huge fight and then broke up. After that, I was trapped in endless anxiety, anger, despair, and depression every day. I didn’t want anyone to know about my diagnosis, nor did I know whom to confide in. At that time, I firmly believed that I was abandoned by God.
But slowly, I started to frequently search for everything about herpes. Besides learning some basic information, I saw a quote on a Facebook page called “Pay It Forward to Herpes”: “Herpes doesn’t define you.” It gave me great encouragement. I realized that I am the master of my own life. So, I started to change.
Ways to Living with Herpes Better
Now I share my methods, hoping to help those currently experiencing the pain I once went through:
Understanding the Impact of Herpes
Herpes simplex virus (HSV) is a common infection that causes painful blisters or ulcers. It spreads through skin-to-skin contact. According to World Health Organization, an estimated 3.7 billion people under age 50 (67%) globally have HSV-1 and 491 million people aged 15–49 (13%) have HSV-2.
Herpes can cause physical discomfort through painful blisters or ulcers and requires ongoing antiviral medications. It can complicate romantic relationships. Additionally, the stigma associated with HSV can result in significant emotional and psychological impacts, including anxiety, depression, and reduced self-esteem.
Self-Education and Acceptance
How long does a herpes outbreak last? Can I get herpes from kissing? Am I doomed in love?
Fear stems from ignorance, and anxiety comes from uncertainty. So, the first thing is to get enough accurate information about herpes. You can find useful data in many places. For example, the WHO, CDC, and ASHA provide answers and advice on health and relationship management from professionals. You can also learn detailed experience from other people with herpes by asking questions on Quora and browsing related answers.
When you learn that more than 50 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (information from ASHA), that herpes outbreaks can be controlled with antiviral medications, and that preventive measures can protect your loved ones (although not 100% effective), your anxiety, loneliness, and sense of losing control over life will greatly diminish. When you understand that HSV shame is neither necessary nor deserved, your confidence will gradually return. When you realize that herpes might not follow you for life (according to Moderna’s Third Quarter 2023 Financial Results, the herpes vaccine mRNA-1608 is estimated to be released by 2028), you will see that hope is not far away.
Building a Support System
Find support groups and confide in trusted people. If you have someone you trust deeply and are sure they won’t think differently of you because of herpes, you can choose to share your feelings with them.
If you want to join active communities for more understanding and support, the following list will help.
- herpes-related spaces on Quora like “Herpes Dating & Match”
- related pages on Facebook like Herpes Dating & Match
- relevant subreddits on Reddit
- herpes dating sites like Positive Singles, HSV Dating Website, and MPWH.
They are warm communities for communication, companionship, and opportunities to make new friends. Their members often understand you better and are more willing to stand by your side than those without herpes experience.
It should be noted that some places are not suitable for beginners, such as Reddit’s r/Herpes and r/HSVpositive. These forums often have new members deeply immersed in negative emotions, which can have more negative than positive effects on other newcomers.
Self-Care in the Life with Herpes
Stress and herpes symptoms tend to increase or decrease in tandem. Therefore, managing your physical health is crucial to restoring confidence and overcoming gloom.
The key to managing physical health is boosting immunity.
First, you need to learn what triggers herpes outbreaks. It includes stimulating foods such as high-sugar and high-fat foods. Caffeine and alcohol also need to be limited appropriately.
Second, ensure adequate sleep, as fatigue is a significant factor in triggering outbreaks.
Appropriate exercise is also essential, but note that overly intense exercise can cause fatigue, which we need to avoid. Therefore, light exercises such as walking and jogging are recommended rather than soccer and tennis.
Besides, you need to be cautious of extreme cold, extreme heat, and intense UV rays.
Positive Thinking about Your Life with Herpes
Practice gratitude and positive self-talk. Maintaining a keen eye for the small joys in life is an excellent habit. You can buy a notebook and a set of colored pencils to record the beautiful little things you discover. New foods, a night without insomnia, a gentle stray cat approaching you, an inspiring passage you read—these are all worth recording and revisiting. By the time you fill the last page, you will realize you have developed a great attitude.
At the same time, consciously avoid depressing videos about herpes. Encourage yourself to watch more success stories about herpes on YouTube and save them for easy access when you hit a low point again.
Seeking Professional Help
If the above suggestions don’t help you much, it may mean you need professional psychological counseling and treatment to help you deal with emotional issues and develop coping strategies.
Tips:
Set a plan, move forward in small steps and gradually restoring confidence. What you need before action is an easy-to-achieve small goal in the initial stage. For example, today’s task is to learn about the latest medical research on the cure for herpes and follow some influencers for latest herpes simplex virus news and science articles.
Small goals won’t make you regard rebuilding confidence and hope as a massive project that makes you shrink back. They will gradually make your rebuilding plan increasingly realistic.
Conclusion
Herpes did not ruin my life; it made me stronger. Through self-education, a support system, and a positive attitude towards life, I rebuilt my confidence and hope. If you are facing the same predicament, please believe that hope is out there; you just need to look in the right direction to find it.
Save yourself from now on and try searching for interesting singles in our warm community to face the challenge together.
